"Impact theater is what happens when a research function looks strategic without actually being strategic. The dashboards look good, the reports are polished, the stakeholder satisfaction scores are fine, and yet research still doesn't drive decisions, still can't justify its headcount, and still gets cut first when budgets tighten. In this talk, Nikki Anderson names impact theater as the defining challenge for senior researchers right now as a fundamental misalignment between how research is measured and what research is actually for. She diagnoses the three specific ways impact theater shows up in research practices, illustrates each with real examples from her own work and the teams she has trained, and gives researchers three concrete exits. Attendees leave knowing exactly what impact theater looks like in their own practice and with the tools to stop performing impact and start proving it."